Posted on October 20, 2026

My eyelids are so sexy, I can’t keep my eyes off them.

Posted on October 20, 2026

I’ve just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu, we just give you what you deserve.

Posted on October 19, 2026

It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!

Posted on October 19, 2026

I’m so bright my mother calls me son.

Posted on October 18, 2026

I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.

Posted on October 18, 2026

If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.

Posted on October 17, 2026

If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing.

Posted on October 17, 2026

If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?

Posted on October 16, 2026

I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.

Posted on October 16, 2026

I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.

Posted on October 15, 2026

I moustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.

Posted on October 15, 2026

I love pressing F5. It’s so refreshing.

Posted on October 14, 2026

I heard a story about a broken pencil that I’d tell you but it’s pointless

Posted on October 14, 2026

I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.

Posted on October 13, 2026

I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.

Posted on October 13, 2026

I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

Posted on October 12, 2026

I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house

Posted on October 12, 2026

fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.

Posted on October 11, 2026

Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?

Posted on October 11, 2026

Being honest may not get you a lot of FRIENDS but it’ll always get you the RIGHT ONES.

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