Recent Jokes and Gift Images

• My eyelids are so sexy, I can’t keep my eyes off them.
• I’ve just opened a new restaurant called Karma. There’s no menu, we just give you what you deserve.
• It’s been scientifically proven that too many birthdays can kill you!
• I’m so bright my mother calls me son.
• I’m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
• If you think of a better fish pun. Let minnow.
• If you are running next to me on the treadmill, the answer is YES, we are racing.
• If money dosnt grow on trees why do banks have branches?
• I wonder if earth makes fun of other planets for having no life.
• I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
• I moustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later.
• I love pressing F5. It’s so refreshing.
• I heard a story about a broken pencil that I’d tell you but it’s pointless
• I hated my job as an origami teacher. Too much paperwork.
• I had a dream I was a muffler and I woke up exhausted.
• I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
• I am going bananas. Thats what i say to my bananas before i leave the house
• fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem, yuo aer smrat. Shaer ti whit yuor fienrds.
• Change is hard. Have you ever tried to bend a coin?
• Being honest may not get you a lot of FRIENDS but it’ll always get you the RIGHT ONES.
• A. Milk and quackers!
• Q: What do you call a doll on fire? 
• A butcher goes on a first date and says ‘It was nice meating you’
• 2 Pacs of Eminems for 50 Cents? Man that’s Ludacris
• You know, everyone always tells me that I’m a bit better than you.
• What fits your schedule better……Exercising 1 hour a day or being fat 24 hours a day?
• What did the Super Nintendo say to the Sega Genesis?
• Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was asalted.
• Q: What did the blanket say to the bed?
• Today I gave my dead batteries away….Free of charge.
• Silence is golden, Duct tape is silver
• Q: Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed?
• Q: Why was there thunder and lightning in the lab?
• Q: Why was the student’s report card wet?
• Q: Why was the math book sad?
• Q: Why was the guy looking for fast food on his friend?
• Q: Why was the broom late?
• Q: Why should you take a pencil to bed?
• Q: Why is Basketball such a messy sport?
• Q: Why is a baseball team similar to a muffin?
• Q: Why is a 2016 calendar more popular than a 2015 calendar?
• Q: Why don’t you see giraffes in elementary school?
• Q: Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
• Q: Why does a hummingbird hum?
• Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
• Q: Why do sea-gulls fly over the sea?
• Q: Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
• Q: Why do girls scouts sell cookies?
• Q: Why was the clock tower such a good storyteller?
• Q: Why did the bonsai tree get promoted?